Prologue
I'd like to say that the reason for writing this book is because of the sheer demand for it. The final pages, no, the final sentence in my last book What it Means to be - STUCK IN NEUTRAL - A lifelong struggle left the reader anxious and hopeful for what was sure to be a follow up book. If you haven't read Stuck In Neutral, which will be most, if not all of you, I encourage you to do so. That could be a daunting task to say the least. But I assure you this is not a continuation where my last book left off although I will include events that did in fact take place after the final chapter of Stuck In Neutral. In fact, this book isn't even being written in the same style. So it isn't a sequel. Not at all.
The "Reason" I have written this book is twofold.
The first is simple; I have much to say, in fact so much that only by writing it down can I get it out of my head and into the space that is not in my head.
I wrote this book in the event something happens to me. I wanted to tell a story, my story to the world in the hopes it could save someone from traveling the same dark roads I've been on and ending up well... at what I'll call the dead end to life as we know it. This book is a safety-net of sorts. I always thought if I wasn't here to tell my story, who would? Now the book would. It was simply getting all my thoughts on virtual paper and not having to retell them ever again.
The second reason isn't as easy. It kept me from going crazy. Now this isn't unlike the first reason at all but a bit more complex.
Let me explain...
I wrote the first draft of Stuck In Neutral in less than 4 months. What started out as a two page homework assignment turned into an entire book. It not only kept me focused but it got me out of bed in the morning and gave me something to look forward to do each and every day. It kept me from going crazy and also prolonged my life by almost three years to the date.
The recent events of the last year have all but destroyed me emotionally, financially, physically, and psychologically. As my life began to unravel what seemed to be the last shreds of cohesion here on earth I started to look at what it had amounted to. I truly felt I had given it my all. I had gotten back up each time when life had knocked me down over and over again. I had loved and lost, and loved again. I had been at the right place at the right time on more than one occasion in my life. I had also done what seemed to be the right thing at the moment only to realize down the road I couldn't have had worse timing. I had journaled, Blogged, and eventually written a book about it all.
What I hadn't done is followed through and gotten it published. I shopped around the self-publishing options, copyrighted the title and my work, and even filled out the application for obtaining my own ISBN number. It has been read by a very limited audience and everyone who has read it agrees it needs to get into the mainstream and be published. It will get there.
Letters to B was born in a similar fashion. A suggestion of sorts from an associate. This book has kept me from falling into the abyss during its creation. It has kept me from opening the door to which there is no return.
It is my hope that whomever may read this understands that pain comes in many shapes and forms varying in degrees. It is also my hope that the majority of you take solace in the fact that you will never feel first hand, the pain I have felt and live with. No one should.
No one should lose a child...
at any age.
And now... Letters to B.
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